Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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