Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
