I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we made out on top of his cat.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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