i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
