She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
