Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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