Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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