Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so let's talk penis.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize