my mouth tastes like poor choices
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
