Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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