Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
