I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
