The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize