sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
