Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
