it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
pop tarts are not kleenex
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
