I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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