Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
