I wish i was in the wii world.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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