His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
