Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
