she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
