k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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