update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
