I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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