my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
