You really coming over, don't trick.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize