i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
