Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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