dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
