he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
