I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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