I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
