We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
