Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
