...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i've created a new STD.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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