there's paper in my vomit.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
