So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
