Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
