SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
