Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just threw up on my dentist
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
