Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
