We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
