I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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