I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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