so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
