Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
