So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize