remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
