Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
