How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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