i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
