Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
