Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
