Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
