Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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