He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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