No stitches, just platelets and will power
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
