therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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