Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
