So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
