You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Randomize
