I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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