nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
