fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
