I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
