im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
