the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
