i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so let's talk penis.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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