so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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