Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
