Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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