My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
