i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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