I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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