he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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