He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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