And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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