honey bunches of taint.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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