she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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