I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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