Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
actually, I'm a sock model
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
