i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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