I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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