as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
