Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
