I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
