i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
