My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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