i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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