Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He passed out mid-signature
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
