just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
