I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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