Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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