you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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