A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
