It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
