really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Someone signed my nipple.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize