so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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