i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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