I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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